I feel so content alone today. I feel you looming near, whoever you are. I know you’ll come into my life at the right time. And it will be beautiful, us falling into one another and losing all control. You’ll change everything, and we’ll conquer the world hand in hand. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even this year. But one day, you and I, whoever you are - we’ll make this world our own."
Monday, June 8, 2009
March 20, 2009 (12:08am)
"Ps-
I feel so content alone today. I feel you looming near, whoever you are. I know you’ll come into my life at the right time. And it will be beautiful, us falling into one another and losing all control. You’ll change everything, and we’ll conquer the world hand in hand. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even this year. But one day, you and I, whoever you are - we’ll make this world our own."
I feel so content alone today. I feel you looming near, whoever you are. I know you’ll come into my life at the right time. And it will be beautiful, us falling into one another and losing all control. You’ll change everything, and we’ll conquer the world hand in hand. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even this year. But one day, you and I, whoever you are - we’ll make this world our own."
Demolition Day (written march 22, 2009 3:57am)
"I don’t want to be the one pushing. I don’t want to be the one pulling, wanting, needing. I want to be wanted. I need to be needed. I can’t make anyone do those things for me, and I am done fooling myself thinking that I am wanted. I’m done knocking down other people’s walls only for them to be too scared to face mine.
I want someone who will meet me on the same level. Who will look me in the eye, and demolish the barriers I’ve set up. And maybe he won’t even do it intentionally, but his wrecking ball will wipe away any sort of hurdle. We’ll hold hands and I’ll push through his walls. We’ll stand amidst the wreckage and we will be beautiful.
When is our demolition day?"
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Motivation
I need to do something to motivate myself into what I'm pursuing again. I want it, I always have but I can't help thinking about issues I want to help push - like my bill for Y&G, how I want to be able to make a significant change.
Maybe it's just because I'm really starting to like being home again, but it's more than just James. I love to perform, that's true, but I am losing my drive. I need to see a show , I need to do something I need to work on something so I am motivated.
I just hate that the next year of my life is going to be jumping through hoops and kissing ass, only to have an 80% chance of not succeeding. I know I get a great education in exchange, but I don't know. I'm young, I have so many other passions, so many other things I want to pursue and learn. I want to do a semester abroad in London, I want to live in New York. Such a big part of me wishes I could just pick up and go there some days.
Maybe I belong in politics afterall. And not stupid elected presidency or anything. But a congresswoman or senator. That would be so awesome, like, being able to make a difference - being able to improve this stupid little earth while we still can. People take this life, this earth, for granted. Maybe I should just become an environmentalist hahah. I am really passionate about the bill I studied and being green and recycling, but I can't say I do all of these things myself. But the bill that I wrote would motivate everyone to because it would eventually lower prices of products that encourage green living.
I don't know I don't know I don't know.
All I know is that I am a little lost in that regard, but I have never been more sure of where I am with James. I looked back on some old entries, and every time I read "I'm just waiting for that one person to change my mind" or something along those lines... I smile so big. Because it was worth the wait. I found him. We found each other. And it's amazing. I know that its going to suck a whole fucking lot after summer but I think we can handle it. And it's only for a year, and he seemed to be thinking along the same lines I do.
I see myself with him for quite a long time. I can only hope and love.
Maybe it's just because I'm really starting to like being home again, but it's more than just James. I love to perform, that's true, but I am losing my drive. I need to see a show , I need to do something I need to work on something so I am motivated.
I just hate that the next year of my life is going to be jumping through hoops and kissing ass, only to have an 80% chance of not succeeding. I know I get a great education in exchange, but I don't know. I'm young, I have so many other passions, so many other things I want to pursue and learn. I want to do a semester abroad in London, I want to live in New York. Such a big part of me wishes I could just pick up and go there some days.
Maybe I belong in politics afterall. And not stupid elected presidency or anything. But a congresswoman or senator. That would be so awesome, like, being able to make a difference - being able to improve this stupid little earth while we still can. People take this life, this earth, for granted. Maybe I should just become an environmentalist hahah. I am really passionate about the bill I studied and being green and recycling, but I can't say I do all of these things myself. But the bill that I wrote would motivate everyone to because it would eventually lower prices of products that encourage green living.
I don't know I don't know I don't know.
All I know is that I am a little lost in that regard, but I have never been more sure of where I am with James. I looked back on some old entries, and every time I read "I'm just waiting for that one person to change my mind" or something along those lines... I smile so big. Because it was worth the wait. I found him. We found each other. And it's amazing. I know that its going to suck a whole fucking lot after summer but I think we can handle it. And it's only for a year, and he seemed to be thinking along the same lines I do.
I see myself with him for quite a long time. I can only hope and love.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
So far,
I am blown away by you. Completely and utterly blown away.
Day one, the zoo, planet earth, pizza my heart, fitting perfectly into your arms and plenty of bacardi. Liquid courage, as we both seem to call it. The question, the answer, the undeniable connection.
Waking up to an amazing breakfast and an even more amazing proposition, a new start. A beginning. Spent the entire day together driving with no maps - stopping at the coast and in the trees for a breath of fresh air, but that was hardly necessary - any moment with you is like breathing in mountain air. The entire night just staring at each other and soaking each other in. Talking, confessing.
This weekend, from beginning to end was flawless. Being introduced to your friends and them liking me, plans for double (triple?) dates, posing for photos. Not even posing, just being us. We don't have to pose to be happy. Dancing, kissing, getting little sleep. Your sleep talking, "it's the thought that counts" hahah. Planning to wake up early for a breakfast date, sleeping in a little later than expected and going to Rudy's for a brunch date. Roaming around, adventuring, laughing. So much laughter. Naptime, movie date, Johnny Roscoe, actual sleep. Barney's and our crashing milkshake.
I can't get enough. I just have this feeling, deep in my gut. This feeling that this is something so good. I am good for you, I can already see the results of it - and you are so good for me. We motivate each other, we hold each other up. We encourage and liste and work so freaking well.
I have never felt this way before. I never thought something could redefine everything I have ever thought of a relationship and falling in love so quickly. We both are on exactly the same page and that's all that matters.
I am so, freaking happy. I keep saying it's too good to be true - but it is true. And it's not too good, its perfect. We talked about that, nothing is too good or too perfect. It's absolutely perfect the way it is, no excess of perfection. Just, content. Amazing. Perfect.
Day one, the zoo, planet earth, pizza my heart, fitting perfectly into your arms and plenty of bacardi. Liquid courage, as we both seem to call it. The question, the answer, the undeniable connection.
Waking up to an amazing breakfast and an even more amazing proposition, a new start. A beginning. Spent the entire day together driving with no maps - stopping at the coast and in the trees for a breath of fresh air, but that was hardly necessary - any moment with you is like breathing in mountain air. The entire night just staring at each other and soaking each other in. Talking, confessing.
This weekend, from beginning to end was flawless. Being introduced to your friends and them liking me, plans for double (triple?) dates, posing for photos. Not even posing, just being us. We don't have to pose to be happy. Dancing, kissing, getting little sleep. Your sleep talking, "it's the thought that counts" hahah. Planning to wake up early for a breakfast date, sleeping in a little later than expected and going to Rudy's for a brunch date. Roaming around, adventuring, laughing. So much laughter. Naptime, movie date, Johnny Roscoe, actual sleep. Barney's and our crashing milkshake.
I can't get enough. I just have this feeling, deep in my gut. This feeling that this is something so good. I am good for you, I can already see the results of it - and you are so good for me. We motivate each other, we hold each other up. We encourage and liste and work so freaking well.
I have never felt this way before. I never thought something could redefine everything I have ever thought of a relationship and falling in love so quickly. We both are on exactly the same page and that's all that matters.
I am so, freaking happy. I keep saying it's too good to be true - but it is true. And it's not too good, its perfect. We talked about that, nothing is too good or too perfect. It's absolutely perfect the way it is, no excess of perfection. Just, content. Amazing. Perfect.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
JPD
Perfect isn't the right word to describe us. We are beyond perfect together. There isn't a word to describe how I feel about you, love doesn't quite capture it yet.
I haven't felt this way ever, ever in my whole life. We spent the entire night just looking at each other and talking and just breathing each other in. I have felt love before, but I feel like this is more.
This is truly redefining any idea I had about love, and leaping far and beyond what I ever expected.
Everything just feels right. And natural. And perfect, but more than that. It just literally feels like I fell into place. Like, suddenly I am completed. Like this big puzzle piece was pushed into my heart and clicked into place.
It doesn't matter how crazy people think I am. It doesn't mean a thing. I don't care. It weirds me out too that I've only known you a month and already I'm feeling this strongly, but I'm not running away from it. I'm running towards it, we're running together. It's just, dskfjslkfs. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, we know.
You take care of me, you look me in the eyes and melt my soul with just one look. The way you look at me says it all. You can tell me how you feel and what you promise but your eyes speak for you - they prove you're genuine. I cannot get enough of you, I want to go everywhere with you and take you everywhere with me.
And the best part is, you feel the same way. We're on the same page. Exactly.
I think it's safe to say this is the start of something big.
"This is what it's supposed to feel like".
I haven't felt this way ever, ever in my whole life. We spent the entire night just looking at each other and talking and just breathing each other in. I have felt love before, but I feel like this is more.
This is truly redefining any idea I had about love, and leaping far and beyond what I ever expected.
Everything just feels right. And natural. And perfect, but more than that. It just literally feels like I fell into place. Like, suddenly I am completed. Like this big puzzle piece was pushed into my heart and clicked into place.
It doesn't matter how crazy people think I am. It doesn't mean a thing. I don't care. It weirds me out too that I've only known you a month and already I'm feeling this strongly, but I'm not running away from it. I'm running towards it, we're running together. It's just, dskfjslkfs. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, we know.
You take care of me, you look me in the eyes and melt my soul with just one look. The way you look at me says it all. You can tell me how you feel and what you promise but your eyes speak for you - they prove you're genuine. I cannot get enough of you, I want to go everywhere with you and take you everywhere with me.
And the best part is, you feel the same way. We're on the same page. Exactly.
I think it's safe to say this is the start of something big.
"This is what it's supposed to feel like".
Thursday, May 21, 2009
How
did you stumble into my life so simply? I always say that the right guy will come when I'm back on my feet and can stand tall. I have been so incredibly happy even sans a love life the past two months, what a better time for you to walk into my life?
We talk for hours. We don't even have to say anything but its understood. You already finish my sentences. You are spontaneous and want to take me places and show me things and surprise me and care for me. You want to know me. You appreciate knowing me and the process of it. Everything I feel inside I don't say right away, you say first and make it okay for me to say back.
You have your head on straight, you know what you want but also don't - just like me. You and I have an insane amount in common and it makes me wild. I am so anxious to finally be with you, for the surprises you have planned, for just laying there and talking to you face to face.
Yosemite, East coast, Texas, Beach day, Giants game, Disneyland, you already want me to meet your mom when she comes. I want you to come win over mine so she'll make you the steak dinner I can't make :)
I'm constantly listening to cheesy lovesongs and I walk around with a stupid grin on my face. I have not felt this way in so long. With you, there are no "buts". There are no, well he's great "but...". I am crazy about you and I cannot wait to see where this goes. It literally makes me so anxious I can't even handle it.
:)))
We talk for hours. We don't even have to say anything but its understood. You already finish my sentences. You are spontaneous and want to take me places and show me things and surprise me and care for me. You want to know me. You appreciate knowing me and the process of it. Everything I feel inside I don't say right away, you say first and make it okay for me to say back.
You have your head on straight, you know what you want but also don't - just like me. You and I have an insane amount in common and it makes me wild. I am so anxious to finally be with you, for the surprises you have planned, for just laying there and talking to you face to face.
Yosemite, East coast, Texas, Beach day, Giants game, Disneyland, you already want me to meet your mom when she comes. I want you to come win over mine so she'll make you the steak dinner I can't make :)
I'm constantly listening to cheesy lovesongs and I walk around with a stupid grin on my face. I have not felt this way in so long. With you, there are no "buts". There are no, well he's great "but...". I am crazy about you and I cannot wait to see where this goes. It literally makes me so anxious I can't even handle it.
:)))
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
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