Thursday, June 4, 2009


I need to do something to motivate myself into what I'm pursuing again. I want it, I always have but I can't help thinking about issues I want to help push - like my bill for Y&G, how I want to be able to make a significant change.

Maybe it's just because I'm really starting to like being home again, but it's more than just James. I love to perform, that's true, but I am losing my drive. I need to see a show , I need to do something I need to work on something so I am motivated.

I just hate that the next year of my life is going to be jumping through hoops and kissing ass, only to have an 80% chance of not succeeding. I know I get a great education in exchange, but I don't know. I'm young, I have so many other passions, so many other things I want to pursue and learn. I want to do a semester abroad in London, I want to live in New York. Such a big part of me wishes I could just pick up and go there some days.

Maybe I belong in politics afterall. And not stupid elected presidency or anything. But a congresswoman or senator. That would be so awesome, like, being able to make a difference - being able to improve this stupid little earth while we still can. People take this life, this earth, for granted. Maybe I should just become an environmentalist hahah. I am really passionate about the bill I studied and being green and recycling, but I can't say I do all of these things myself. But the bill that I wrote would motivate everyone to because it would eventually lower prices of products that encourage green living.

I don't know I don't know I don't know.

All I know is that I am a little lost in that regard, but I have never been more sure of where I am with James. I looked back on some old entries, and every time I read "I'm just waiting for that one person to change my mind" or something along those lines... I smile so big. Because it was worth the wait. I found him. We found each other. And it's amazing. I know that its going to suck a whole fucking lot after summer but I think we can handle it. And it's only for a year, and he seemed to be thinking along the same lines I do.

I see myself with him for quite a long time. I can only hope and love.

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