Monday, January 24, 2011

Promise Ring

So strange, I was rooting through an old box under the bed for a binder to use tomorrow and I came across a baggie with a bunch of random jewelry and something caught my eye - my promise ring.

I pulled it out and tried it back on my ring finger where it used to live so comfortably and just let the weight of it sit on my hand and my heart for a good few moments. Then I unwound the temporary sizer and tried it on various fingers until I found a spot where I think it will stay, not in its original place.

I may not have followed through with the promise that this ring once represented but I think it's important that I still wear it because I'm going to make a new promise to myself and I hope that this ring helps hold me accountable.

I am going to respect myself more. I am going to have sex with someone that I love or am on the way to loving and not someone random because I am bored or lonely or trying to fill some sort of stupid void from years past. I am a big girl, I prefer going to bed alone rather than with a stranger and I will not compromise myself any further. I'm making this a promise to myself.

I look at this ring and I see the love my parents and church community once put into the idea that I am good enough of a person to demand the respect I deserve from a man and not settle for anything less. I lost sight of that and even though I'm not viewing this religiously as I did before, and I am by no means trying to please my parents, it truly holds me accountable. I look down and see my parents hearts wanting the best for my heart, even if that doesn't mean abstinence.

I'm really glad I decided to go find a binder tonight.

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