december 14th

Last night was like something out of a dream. I spontaneously decided to go to LA to cinespace... somehow made it there in like 35 minutes, somehow found perfect parking and had enough change for the meter, somehow didn't miss Ryan's set. Heard Picture Atlantic and loved every instant of it, met "famous people" and had a bomb ass vodka cranberry. Met a cute boy in a beanie, ran around in a sea of hipsters, and then went outside with Ryan to refill my meter.

It was pouring, and we ran around and screamed and danced in it. I was too tipsy to care how freezing it was and the fact that I was wearing tights and a t shirt. 

I stood there on the ledge and you confessed your feelings to me - it was literally like a scene in a movie - with the bass of the club booming behind us as we talked in the pouring rain. It was a night I will never forget, regardless of the outcome. I probably shouldn't have driven home but I know that if I had stayed with you, it would only make it harder on the both of us. Sitting in my car and listening to bloc party and coldplay... it made me cry. It made me cry that you are so amazing but I can't let myself feel the way you do about me. It's too difficult. And I don't know if my feelings would be different if circumstances went our way. But you give me hope, that someone out there does care and not all guys are shit. Regardless of it all, I had a really good time. It was just what I needed - and we both needed to get our feelings out.