Thursday, April 24, 2008


I might have already posted these lyrics but I feel like they relate to how I feel.

And the bright-eyed choke on ambition
And the old folks circle their graves
And the young ones are busy destroying their names
And you're still just wasting away.
I sit and watch the screen for a message
Some kinda sign that says we're OK
But the screen stays blank till I turn the thing off
And wait for my conscience to break.

So, So, So
It's so damn slow
I hope you're learning to listen
And I hope you're learning to stay
And I hope you find what you're missing
And I hope that you're making your way
I'm a headcase if I don't keep moving
And my head hurts if I don't sit still
It's an itch that I'll never stop scratching
It's a hole that I'll never quite fill

I've been trying to write a real entry for like three days now but I'm not sure how to put how I feel into words.

I feel like a shallow person, but everyone says that I shouldn't feel that way at all. I just am so sick of so much. I am really starting to realize how low my tolerance level is, and how picky I really am. I have been moving too fast, I need to sit back and relax.

Its weird how you have that instant connection with some people.. and others there is not. Even when you try, its really not there. There is no conversation, nothing is interesting. It bores me. I don't want to spend more time in my life chasing, teaching. Attempting to come up with a makeshift connection that isn't really there.

I feel like my subconcious is a fucking retard. It loves to incorporate painful memories into my dreams, cause me to act like an idiot and disregard things to "protect myself". Idk what else. I just hate it sometimes.

Isn't it funny how I'm avoiding something and I know someone is avoiding something with me? I can sense it, I feel it in every aspect. So while I feel no remorse for my avoidance, I feel the direct effects of my actions through another person. I just wish I could talk things out with both people and get it out of my system. Yet this awkward little waltz goes on. Its starting to give me a headache.

It sucks that the one person I want to talk to about my problems is definitely 100% the wrong person to talk to about it all.

I just want to start fresh and new NOW. I can't wait to move, really. I can't wait for all of this to blend nicely into the background and to look back at all this and laugh.

I'm too fucking tired and I need to stop bitching... Ratatat will help me dance my way into slumber.

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