Friday, June 13, 2008

Are you serious?

Are you freaking kidding me? I am a lurker, I shouldn't lurk, whatever you do it too. But for her to say that your relationship will be different because it won't be one sided? Are you kidding me! I know that when we broke up the first time it was rough and I was a bitch. And I hurt you. But if there was any reason to say that we broke up - the last one I would consider saying was that it was one-sided. Fuck you, if thats the case. One sided? Oh, I guess I didn't care when I sacrificed my social life and first half of my senior year to come hang out with you all the time. I guess going to all your shows and chosing you over parties, friends, and high school things doesn't mean a thing. Especially when so many times I would just hang around in the background. I don't regret those things. I just wish there was some way I could have balanced it all better. But I did all those things because I LOVED you, Eric. You know that I loved you. But now - if you're going to tell her that your last relationship was one sided? That's really fucked up. It actually really hurts. I didn't think you could still hurt me, but I guess I was wrong.

I really am happy for you and her, I'm glad you've found someone who makes you happier than me. But apparently all that I did and all the love I had for you was completely insignificant, because it was one sided, wasn't it? I was really fine with everything, I wanted to be there for you to talk to about this whole situation, I wanted to finally be your friend again. I was and still am rooting for your relationship with her. Our relationship wasn't always easy, I wasn't always the best girlfriend, but you weren't always the best boyfriend. Whenever I talk about our relationship to Donnie, yeah, I tell him what you did to hurt me or whatever. But I also make a point to say what I did. And how our relationship ended on mutual terms because it was going no where. I guess you could say it was one sided because you were willing to try and make it work when I moved to Fullerton.. but you have to understand, I did too. I really did. But I knew that I had spent the last 3 years of my life living for you, and I finally had to live for myself.

I just really can't believe you. Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion, maybe I'm assuming. But it said right there -

"And know that this time it will be different for you.
This time all feelings will be mutual and not one way.
This time you won't, I won't, be the only ones putting in effort."

Ahaha wow. What a great way to start my day. I'm going to senior breakfast and graduation practice now, and this is NOT going to ruin my day. But if that's how you feel and that's how you're going to talk about me, I lost a lot of respect for you, because it seems like you don't respect me.

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