Friday, June 27, 2008

"And do I dare ask, where are all the gentlemen? You know, the kind of men who always make sure they walk nearest to the street. The kind of men who automatically link arms with a lady to show the jokers, the ones dwelling in the shadows, that she is not to be harassed. The kind of men who enjoy their mother's company, as well as YOUR mother's company. The kind of men who know they are supposed to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the doorway.

Are these values no longer taught when parents raise their baby boys? Has every young man been abducted by manner-stealing aliens who completely sucked these manners right out of them? Do they just not care?

So few men know how to act like a gentlemen, and so few women actually expect it. I do. I expect it from my lovers, and I most definitely expect it from my friends. Start opening doors for the elderly, walk your girl to the door after a date (or at the very least wait until she gets inside safely before you drive away), pick a flower and hand it to a person that looks sad. How is this not common sense?

I want to know people who write notes saying "I hope you are having a lovely day" and leave them on random cars. I want to know people who throw drawing parties instead of keggers. I want to know people who care about everything, and love with all they have. I want true words, sparkling eyes, and hearts made of gold. It isn't hard work to be a gentleman. It isn't hard work to be a friend. So, why are there so few of you? What's your excuse? You're all a bunch of dirt-covered rocks. I want gems. And I won't settle for anything less."

I've been rummaging through my xanga and stumbled upon this. I feel very refreshed, re-encouraging myself through quotes I posted in the past. I can't wait to get out of here and meet all new people and be living on my own :]

There are some things I don't understand however - how I'm apparently supposed to be 100% emotionally unattached after 3 years and that reads to everyone as not being over it, how I'm not supposed to BE attached to someone I've spent nearly every day with the last few months.

As for the first one, I am as over it as I can be at this point. I may not be 100% done, but I think I'd say I'm pretty good. I'm over it as much as I can be. We've only seen each other once since we've been officially done, and I have no desire to mix up old feelings. I settled too much in the relationship, its not at all what I want again. I want to be in love again, sure. And I think that's what I miss more than anything - I don't really miss Eric. I don't miss the pain and the constant ache. It bothers me when people try to assume they know anything about our relationship and how I felt about it all. I only reveal a little bit to this little livejournal. I wanted to see him and I still do to gain some more closure, but I realize that it doesn't really need to happen until before I leave. And I don't want to see him with any malicious intentions of ruining his relationship. I guess I just realized it wasn't worth it anymore - all it will take is one meeting and I don't need to think about it until before I move. I just want to lay it all to rest. To let go of it all and just be friends. It was three years of my life, and I can't pretend like it didn't mean a thing to me. And I don't want to look back anymore and regret or resent. But that doesn't mean I'm "so not over it" and that I'm not completely satisfied without him. Because believe me - I am. Things catch my heart strings, things still affect me - which they should. It was 3 years, only 8 months apart so far. I'd be a fool to say that he meant nothing to me. But I wish people would stop misinterpreting that.

As for the second, it bums me out. The first guy I feel something substantial for since Eric and its of course, the wrong time and place. I can't wait for Fullerton where I might meet someone who makes me feel just as good and when it IS the right time and place. I'm so over waiting for boys and settling. I've just been doing what I feel is right and following my heart as best I can - and I plan on continuing until someone really worthwhile wants to join me or until my heart leads me to him.

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