Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The cure makes me smile. Bob Dylan, modest mouse. Katy Perry. You singing along sheepishly as we both drifted into dreams. Elton John. Jimi Hendrix. Beer pong and me kicking your ass at it.. then ending up ridiculously drunk because you made us play again with recycled beer. Abandoning the beer for the rooftop, leaning back and naming the few stars we knew. You called me lovely as I climbed through the window. I've always been fond of little nick names, little compliments. Biking in the dark by the beach and racing, laughing - singing. Breaking off from the group and leaning against the wall watching the bonfires. I settled in so comfortably beneath your shoulder. I remember just feeling absolutely content. Walking to breakfast, sitting on the beach and watching the little naked boy and the bros play football. Betting on how long the surfers would stand up to the biggest waves. Laughing at "dru" , your shitty car, uno, the neighbors. 

I don't know about you but I hope that one day you will understand my sarcasm and I will understand yours. We both have issues communicating through them because we can never tell when each other is serious. 

I truly can't wait til you come to visit. I'm hoping you'll have enough money to go to Disney.. if not, I'll have to show you some place cool around here. (Is there any place cool around here?) Something about you softens me. It calms me down and grounds me. 

Or maybe I just want this feeling so badly that I'm pushing it on you ? I don't really think so. I get along with you so well, but there is a level of caution in our relationship - on both our parts. Maybe that's why our communication gets so off. 

Who knows. My friend Chelsea was talking about how you never really get over someone until you have someone new to replace them - but how she wasn't exactly sure she believed that. Then she said she met her current boyfriend and she realized how much she had been settling and missing out on. I just want to have that realization.. that epiphany that this is the person I've been waiting for.

And I am trying so hard to be patient. But what I felt and had with Andy those 3 weeks seemed more comfortable and genuine than I ever could have asked for. If nothing comes of it, at least I know that I'm capable of feeling something remotely close to what I used to again.

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