Tuesday, February 24, 2009


I don't knowwwww. I have such incredibly high standards. And I'm afraid to compromise even something little. 

I just want to run into someone who will sweep me off my feet. I want that movie-like experience of falling in love with someone completely unexpected but who is just completely perfect in my eyes. 

I don't want to knock down someone else's walls, I want someone strong who will come knock down mine. I've recently realized that I can't handle constantly trying to get people to open up to me if they have issues with it. And maybe thats hypocritical? But I have issues with letting down my own walls, how am I ever going to do that when all I'm focused on is getting a guy to tell me what he's thinking or how he feels? 

My chest feels tight. Like I'm locked away and closed in. I know I am. I just want someone who will grab both my arms and extend them outward with a smile on his face at what is released. Someone who will catch me when I collapse from the exertion and kiss my forehead. Someone who will tell me that there is nothing wrong with me, that I am perfect the way I am. 

I want someone to fight for me. I'm sick of fighting for everyone else.

I'm so worn out. I'm so tired. I feel like my heart is buried underground and I'm not sure what to do once it starts resurfacing. I just want that relationship, so. fucking. bad. I don't want to say well  "I like him, but.." I don't want there to be any "buts". I want to say I like him, and I can see myself falling in love with him. Or I love him, he's exactly what I've been waiting for. 

I'm not a very patient person.

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