"hey listen i hate to get all serious or whatever on you but.. i need to get this off my chest. i want you in my life as my friend at the very least and i dont think i can do that if anything like whats been happening keeps happening. and i dont want to keep you from doing whatever you want with that girl you met, but i cant handle you going back and forth between us.
like, i was really glad you apologized and then stacey told me you went to disney with her the next day? and i know it isnt like you guys are going by yourselves and i sound like a psycho but.. idk. i just feel stupid when shit like that happens because i care about you and i thought you cared too, and thursday night sincerely hurt me and seriously confused me.
i never really let guys in, i have been through a lot and idk. missing you over break made me realize that i wanted to open myself up a little more to you and give it more of a chance because you are an actual guy who seems to give a shit. and then i got so pumped up to see you and then i walked into that party and my heart sunk.
i dont know. i'm not your girlfriend so i'm not going to say choose me or her. but i just want to tell you that i'm not going to be okay with knowing that i'm one of the two options you have and i am not going to fight or be some competitive person because i dont think thats neccessary. i shouldn't have to compete. if you want to keep things the way they were with you and me, you cant be running to her afterward and then coming back to me expecting me to act like nothing happened and like it doesn't effect me. i can try to be your friend, but i won't let you hurt me like that again. i let it happen too many times with other guys, and i can't go through that again. i owe myself that respect.
so, if you decide you like the way things are with you and me, i'll be here. but please don't expect me to be okay with you going off with some other girl. meaning, don't do it. draw lines with her. i care about you a lot and i value you in my life, otherwise i would have told you to fuck off a long time ago lol if you really like this girl or whatever, then i'm happy for you if you're happy. i'll be your friend, but it wont be the same. and i'll draw lines with you.
and it sucks to do that, because i really do like you.. but i have to look out for myself. i deserve more respect than you've been giving me.
sorryyyy this is like a novel, i just needed to get it out... i hope i dont sound like a crazy bitch, because I'm really not trying to be."
sent to Robbie Keating at 2:14 AM
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