Friday, February 20, 2009


Sometimes I wonder if my standards are too high. Maybe I'm ridiculous to think I deserve someone overwhelmingly attractive (as shallow as that is), with an amazing intellect and taste. 

There's this couple who are in the piece I've been rehearsing for who are just so cute. And so into each other. And so just, ugh. I want that. I miss that. I misssss it so fucking much. And especially in times where I'm so stressed and all I want is to unwind. All I want is some other outside source of hope to keep me driving through.

Then again, I have it. I have my friends, I have that closeness and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. 

But I can't deny missing it. I can't deny that something about this time of year makes me miss it more. I have so many issues, I don't want to settle for anything less than I deserve. I deserve to be happy without the distance, without the priority problems, without the other girls, without feeling used.  I know I do. I have so much love to give and I am just bursting waiting for someone to pour it into.

But then I think, what if this guy I seem to be waiting for doesn't exist...? 

Andy's coming this weekend and although I'm excited, I don't know. I'm afraid it will be either too good or not good enough and I don't think I can handle either situation right now. 

I need you so much closer..

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