Thursday, May 22, 2008

respect my hustle

:) two straight weeks of hanging out. more even, i've lost track.

i am so relaxed, so comfortable, but it didn't come right away so i know its a sincere thing. needless to say, i've become quite fond of this boy.

its the weirdest thing - every time i even begin to have an inkling of anxiety about him not calling when he said he would, my phone rings and its him.

he's been super busy this week and there have been at least 3 or 4 days where i don't even consider thinking he'd be able to hang out, and he's found a way every single day to occupy my time. without me saying anything, too. :) i like this. i like that i really don't have to persue, i don't have to worry about him not calling, i dont have to worry at all.

in fact, there is not one thing about him that i can think of that i don't like.

i'm nervous because i had a bad first encounter with his twin sister when we were both drunk at a party, and she moved back for the summer and i really don't want to cause problems. i really just want her to be cool with me, i feel like i should apologize. whatever, i'm sure its not that big of a deal. it just seemed like this argument they had last weekend about her hating random people was centered around me.. idk.

i guess the only thing i don't like about this is how up in the air it is. and how much i'm really starting to care for him, and how its really starting to scare me. i can feel myself retreating a little bit, and its like a battle between my heart and mind all over again. my heart has chained my feet to the ground while my brain is using all its strength to pull me away.

donnie is just a good guy. more than that, he's just really chill. hes a good guy who i don't see any immediate flaws in. hes so mature, hes just.. great. i can talk to him about my past and my future and laugh and joke and be my sarcastic self and he just slings it right back at me. i like it :) a boy who can keep up with me, thats a first.

i just really hope things continue the way they are. we have hung out a lot, but not a lot of time alone yet. i mean, i slept over at his house on sunday which was so great. we just snuggled and watched amelie, and i fell asleep smiling because he was snoring like a freight train. i love that there is no pressure when i'm with him. that things are still a little bit awkward. that he respects me enough not to have sex with me yet. that he wakes up in the middle of the night to kiss me on the shoulder and rub my back... that he tries his hardest to stay up so i can fall asleep before he fills the room with his snoring (not that i cared, but he just kept trying to stay up/waking himself up). that he attacks me with kisses, he takes initiative but isn't overbearing. we have spent one-on-one time, but not like, real datey type things. which is fine since we're not technically dating? but idk, i'd like to see him before 9pm on a weeknight and maybe get to actually spend the after noon with him on a weekend.

which reminds me, i'm going to justin fitch's little afterparty thing on friday night with donnie, and i'm hoping we'll spend the night, then get to spend all saturday together. we have spent the night with each other like three times now and each time one or both of us has had to get up and do something. i was talking to him about it tonight and hes like well its officially summer for me now and its coming up soon for you so we'll have plenty of time to make up for that. :)


i seriously cannot remember the last time i was this content. despite everything that is going on around me that SHOULD stress me out... i'm so content. little things irk me herea nd there, but i'm so happy. and i love it :D

i still sleep too little but i think my body has adjusted by now. and i am too happy to complain... i've been taking a lot of naps lately :)

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